LICE INFESTATION

You might suspect an infestation of lice when:

A child's hat comes to school by itself.

A child's hair is waving in the breeze, only there is no breeze.

After running your fingers through a child's hair, you find your 1" long fingernails
have been bitten off.

You hear tiny voices singing "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow" coming from the
earphones you just wiped with alcohol.

You notice that Johnnie's hair, which was parted on the left, is now parting itself
on the right and/or middle.

A child gets his comb out of his pocket by opening the pocket and calling, Here Boy."

You notice that Susie's animal barrettes have arranged themselves into a circus parade.

You pat a child on the head and a tiny voice yells, "Keep your hands to yourself, Buster."

You notice insectivorous birds perched frequently on a child's head.

An angry buzzing sound is heard when a child's hair is disturbed.

Frogs and toads are frequently seen with their tongues entangled in a child's hair.

A child shows more than 5-6 lbs. weight variation after being sprayed with insect fogger.

STEPS TO TAKE:

1) Instruct infected students to use the pronoun "we" instead of "I"

2) Suuggest more appropriate synonyms wen students refer to a teacher as "crabby"

3) Consult ORTHO GARDEN BOOK for shampoo available

4) Do not allow students to become emotionally attached to small pets that they
might find on other kids scalps and shoulders

5) In particular, discourage the use of pet names such as Spot, Lassie

6) Allow no child to come closer than 20' to electronic bug zappers to prevent
child from being sucked on and electrocuted

7) Arrange for Orkin Man to be in the Learning Center every Tuesday to spray for bugs

8) Discourage the use of curling irons, as hard boiled cootie eggs have an offensive odor

9) All personnel should be aware the NITS & PARASITES is not a rock group

ADDITIONAL DANGER SIGNALS:

All children who come to school with "ROACH MOTELS" braided into their hair are to
be suspected of infestation.