Dear Louise,
I've recently come to the conclusion that I've inherited my mother's controlling ways. How can I shake off these negative, learned habits?
- P.H., San Clemente, CA

Dear P.H.,
How wonderful that you recognize that you're continuing to imitate your mother's actions. Don't think for a moment that you "inherited" anything. The only thing you'll ever inherit is property; everything else is learned. You were a good, obedient little girl, and you learned how to behave and how to think by observing your mother. She probably learned the same thing from her mother. Now you're going to break the cycle and won't pass on those traits to your children. And all your friends will find that you're a lot more fun to be around. It's time for rejoicing!

Take one small step at a time. Be aware that all controlling behavior stems from
fear - fear that if it isn't done your way, you won't be safe. That's not true. You're totally loved and adored by the Universe. When everything has to be done your way, it puts up a barrier to the good that could come into your life . . . if you'd just trust that the Universe has only good in store for you. Let Life flow, and it will be far better than if
you ran everything.

Continue to notice when you're trying to control people, places, and things. Then just take a deep breath and say: That's an old pattern, and I release it and let it go. I am safe and all is well. At first, you'll be doing this all day long. Then before long, you'll find that you'll have to do it less and less. You'll feel so much better because you won't be putting so much stress on yourself. Life is good. Be happy!

Dear Louise,
I need some guidance regarding my boyfriend of two and a half years. We've been living together for four months. Yesterday I did something I'm not proud of but felt the urge to do. I read his e-mails while he was out and found letters he'd written to two other girls about being unhappy with me and wanting me to move out. I feel so much hurt and humiliation and never expected this from him. I know I need to move on
and find another place to live. Should I confront my boyfriend about this situation or just leave?
- B.R., Las Vegas

Dear B.R.,
Of course, confront him, and remember that you'll also have to admit how you found out. It's vital that you two have a really honest discussion. Talk about the problems you've had, and try to do so calmly, without bitterness. We're all under the law of our own consciousness, so you both had a part in this situation. His feelings are just that, his feelings. They have little to do with you. It was fine when you were a girlfriend, but when you became a live-in, it was too much for him.

So have the conversation and then move on. Get out of there. A good affirmation to use at this time is: If you will not be in my life, then you cannot be in my mind. Don't punish yourself by going over and over this in your head. It's a waste of time. And don't rush into another relationship. Give yourself space to really love who you are. Learn to be happy with yourself. Think thoughts that make you feel good. It's the quickest way for you to go beyond this lesson. Affirm: I love and adore myself. All is well in my world.

Dear Louise,
My mother passed away 19 months ago and I'm having considerable difficulty coping with the grief. She was my best friend as well, so I feel very isolated at the moment. If I knew that she was happy and content, it just might help me deal with the loss, but I'm at a crossroads in my life. Normally I would talk to my mother, but now I have no one I can confide in who can help me decide whether I'm making the right choices. Can you help in any way?
- S.D., Australia

Dear S.D.,
When someone decides to leave the planet, it's always a time for rejoicing for them, because they move back into the pure, positive energy of Life. It's only hard on those who are still here. Your mother is now in a place where she has no problems, no illness, no worries, no loss. All her troubles are gone. She is fine and is smiling down on you. only wishing that you would stop suffering. She'd like to talk to you and is waiting for you to talk to her. Confide in her. Ask her all your questions, and she will answer-most likely in your dreams or in symbols. You'll see something or find something that will speak to you, and you'll know that it's from your mother.

From now on, when you think about your mom, be sure it's only the good, joyful stuff. Continually thank her for all the wonderful times you had together. Your mother, together with the entire Universe, is molding and shaping the most delightful life for you. The only thing they ask of you is that you be happy. So think joyful thoughts, breathe a lot, and know that you'll make all the right choices.

Affirm: I bless my eyes with love. I see what I love, and I love what I see. All is well in my world.


Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the bestselling author of 27 books, including You Can Heal Your Life, Empowering Women, and Inner Wisdom. Since beginning her career as a Science of Mind minister in 1981, she has assisted thousands of people in discovering and using the full potential of their own creative powers for personal growth and self-healing. Louise's works have been translated into 25 different languages in 33 countries throughout the world.

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